pure intent with a ravens' display w4m Who knew I'd be here today, never intended to overestimate myself. I been keeping to myself to long, but with in my mind tucked away behind these forth walls. I've made my own cage, bruised with worry woe. I"ve kept myself from people, for so long I don't even know how to have good conversation, without talking about my past. Makes for boring company, no one wants to get attached. From this upon childhood, this is where I found my escape. Trying to please others is where I found my contentment. Losing track of my own desires, by trying to brighten someone else mood, always seem to be the right thing to do, until I seen a light within the dark. between consisted worry about what may happen, by putting others in the same category from past experiences without conscious awareness. I have now realize, that i have a bigger ego than I thought. So silent, that I couldn't see, because I was so close minded, to even detect my own feelings of anguish and misery. bottled up feelings, from years that have gone by, from expecting the same out of people, as I would do for them. Always ended of with an heart ache, from both accounts in some cases. Uneducated and blinded by Godly views, from the worlds angle Took more away from myself, by looking out side box, with the wrong morals aside. That I must put others first and forget about myself. I honesty didn't think it would put me in contempt. Not realizing, that I was doing anything wrong. I loved people more than myself, but at the same time I loved my myself more than people. I started to close off the world and became depressed, by the stress of worry.. Didn't realize what I was doing, was escaping from myself and current reality. All those years I wasting trying to find my place, and looking for something more, but being an idealist, and trying to create a fantasy, that life wasn't adding up to. I always been lied to, and hidden by lies that still torches me, even to this everyday from childhood. Rebel soul, looking for a way out, with many wrong choices, always tie with pure intent. Never felt love, because the love I knew was only selfish.. From my mother bottled up emotions from an early age. Wanting a child that was toking away, from her in her younger years, I can see, from all the children, she had brought into her home. That in a way she was trying to get back, what she lost years ago. A child that had never grown old, from within her mind. SHe wanted something, that she could never get back. I know this because, of how she treated the siblings and I as we grew older. She us names, tormented us, telling us we would never get everywhere in life. Calling us stupid and never showing love.. Except she did show us how to be fake, two faced, lying, being kind to our neighbors, and making fake conversation. This is just a piece of information and not the whole picture, there is diffidently more to this. I guess by saying this much it helps in some way I don"t where I getting by saying all of this, but I guess I just had to get this off my chest. But if there is anyone out there that went through the something similar growing up, and would like to talk... just reply
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