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Re: Secret Lover 34 (St Paul )
"Anyways, I am tired of my boyfriend. I mean, I love him but I want someone who'll love me back"
WTF? If your boyfriend doesn't love you, why are you staying with him?
Why not do you both a favor and dump him so you don't need discretion?
You aren't looking for an actual relationship - you're looking for greener pastures on the other side of the railroad and hoping to find a fail-safe before making any decisions about leaving someone who, according to your own words, doesn't love you.
You're openly cheating, or trying to at least.
Just as an FYI sister, that situation will always blow up in your face before it ever gets better.
Don't cheat. Just leave first. Is it really that hard?
Women like me who would really love to pamper, spoil, and dote affection on you are completely turned off by such an action.
It doesn't matter if your significant other is a man or a woman - cheating is cheating, and if you're willing to do it in this manner once, you'll do it to every other partner as well. That's not an assumption either. That's the reality you are painting with your words and actions.
Good luck in whatever.
I hope you learn something from this. 34 is too old to be making the same mistakes over and over.
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Sent earlier...figured I'd leave a second copy here... I love you zack...always will. But last night was the last time. I can't allow myself to open up to you like that again. So now I am saying good bye. This time its for good. I have a hard time imagining you didnt choose me...but when I think about it, you never did. There was always something more exciting pulling u away. Duane, Armando, the program, various girls, anyone with money that would show u attention or keep u high, Ron, Trevor... The list goes on an on. And for a few weeks it might have been me. And those were good weeks baby. You made me feel young and sexy dedired... And as u know...I needed that. You made me want to live and loved me until I learned to love myself. I will hear certain songs and cry because I will miss those few weeks we had so much. How I wish it could always be like that. Remember that as u get older...it wasn't money or the right car or a big house or designer labels...it wasn't even AC or hot water. It was simple. It was connecting throughout the day...telling each other stories or things that made us who we are. What was important to us...our values and what we wanted out of life. And we listened to each other. We learned a lot about each other and I learned so much about myself. I learned something one night on the with you. You shared with me what you liked ot loved about me. You said how funny and outgoing and confidenti was. I still find that intriguing since I think back to the window of time in garland b rooom and on McDowell. I was so quiet and checking out from the world already. And in that moment the seed was planted to live. Out loud. It's been simmering under the surface now for a while...and Gillian is about ready to emerge and take the world by storm. You reminded me she was there... So thank you. Again... I love you. That's never gonna end no matter what. I will always want the best for you. I pray someday you want it too and get out from being a hostage over there as u put it. Good luck. And I will miss u so incredibly much...pls know that baby.
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